To Feel Perchance To Love
by V Tsuion
Summary: Sherlock Holmes had always shunned love, but now he has unusual feelings for his fellow lodger and close friend, Dr. John Watson. Follow their adventures and changing feelings for each other. Holmes POV. I own nothing.
1. Mr John Watson

This journal is the true account of all that has happened during the time I was acquainted with Mr. John Watson from my perspective, including my thoughts and, dare I say, my feelings. Watson's chronicles of many of my cases are only partially true, for on my request and by his intuition he left out the relationship that we held during the time. I write this with the hopes that one day in the future my reputation would not be as harmed by these uncontrollable feelings that passed over me in this time and the relationship that sprung from them.

**Mr. John Watson**

The day I met Watson was most possibly the most fateful day of my life. I was looking for someone willing to split the board of some rooms I found on Baker Street, but there had so far been no luck. Until Stamford, an acquaintance of mine, introduced an old comrade of his, Watson, to me. When Watson arrived I had just finished creating a solution that only reacts with blood, to test if a stain on a suspected murderer's clothing is in fact blood and not another substance. We shook hands and I explained what my research had been and all of its applications, clearing up Watson's skepticism. Honestly, since that is what this account is supposed to show, I felt intrigued at first. Beyond the basic deductions of his past and occupations I felt that there was something I missed, or maybe noticed too well. Once I had finished my explanation of the experiment Stamford explained his reason for introducing us. My instant thought was a definite yes for two reasons; the obvious reason of giving me someone to split the price of some rooms, and that it would give me a chance to spend more time with and learn about this man who intrigued me so. Soon, though, my common sense took control and I determined the best course of action. I asked him if he minded the smell of tobacco or the presence of chemicals. When he replied that they would not bother him I listed my faults, just to be sure that he could live with me. He listed his also at my request. I rather nervously asked about violin playing, I wanted to insure our ability to live together, though I would rather not lose this chance. Thankfully my worries were unnecessary; my violin playing is quite good if I say so, so he had no objections. We then declared it settled and arranged to meet the next day to look at the rooms I was considering. I returned to the chemicals as he left.

The next day we met at the rooms at 221B Baker Street that I had mentioned at the meeting. Watson inspected the rooms, and found them so much to his liking that we agreed upon the deal on the spot. He moved his positions that very evening and I brought mine in the next morning. For the next day or two we unpacked all our positions and lay them out as we liked in the apartments. We then settled in to the life we came to share. It was quite easy to live with Watson; he didn't mind my unusual habits and didn't ask too many questions despite his curiosity. I was honestly great full at this effort and would tell him when the time came. I carried on with my regular work; taking the occasional job that interjected the feelings of boredom. Yet the mere intrigue I felt originally had deepened into fascination, coming to border on obsession; the thing I felt I was missing (or over seeing) in him had not gone away, instead it intensified. For days I would lay and let my mind wander, it would soon turn to the thing in Watson. But never did I express my curiosities, I knew too well to do such, instead I would play violin to release my feelings, never words, though occasionally I would play a piece of his liking at the end of a day's playing to apologize for forcing the playing on him.

I noticed Watson's apparent interest in my occupation and was thankful, as I said above, of his not asking about it, as I would come to it when I felt it right. It was the 4th of March, as Watson kindly reminds me, that he found an article written by me about the science of deduction. I do not recall the exact dialogue, and it is unimportant that I would because he does and has it recorded in his recollections of our adventures. Anyways, Watson was quite skeptical that it would work and of any practical use before he knew that I was the author. I explained its practical usage by informing him about my career as (most likely) the one and only consulting detective in England (if not the world), and convinced him that it worked by identifying a passerby on the street who had come with a letter for me. The letter contained quite the mystery (that you can read about in Watson's chronology of A Study In Scarlet) and it sent Watson and I on our first mystery together.

This mystery was the trigger to an amazing line of feelings. I find it unimportant to explain the mysteries themselves, as Watson has done that and published it and anyone could read it in their own time; this is a record of _my_ truth. Watson and I started going on these mysteries so it became unavoidable that we start saving each other and end up together in the assortment unusual cramped spaces to hide. The effects of the two were quite different but showed the same thing. Whenever Watson would get hurt I slowly started to wish that no more harm come to him no matter what. I had the urge a number of times to rush over and ignore the criminal, because nothing could be more important than Watson. The close spaces made me quite uncomfortable because my mind would later linger on the feeling of his body pressed against mine.

These early days were days of great stress and confusion to me. For as you see, I had never experienced love before, a long time ago I had purged myself of most emotion, yet that left me unprepared when a new emotion I had never before felt gained control. I pushed it back, but it was pleasurable, yet it got in the way, and there was a feeling it was socially unacceptable, an unspoken taboo. It was, overall, a bundle of contradictions that I had never felt before. At first I had no idea what it was, yet I slowly came into fearful realization, yet there was a final thing that proved it exactly.


	2. Love is Selfish

**Love is Selfish**

The thing that really alerted me as to my true feelings was the arrival of Ms. Mary Mortasan. The instant she arrived I felt something; Watson was thinking about her, and when I asked he merely confirmed it. Then I was even more confused, I now was angry at her, and at him, but I didn't get why. Their relationship deepened and I got angrier. I was confused, as I said before; I had these feelings of caring and protectiveness that I felt had no root. Then there was this anger, this jealousy, I got angry at her, but there was a mystery to solve so I focused my attention on that. I was worried that Watson would notice my absent mindedness, but it was normal enough that he ignored it.

In the darkness of the case I saw their hands reach out to each other's, I tried to feel happy for Watson he had found love, when it hit me, I had also found love, in one that did not, could not love me back. It was then that I realized my hand longed for Watson's too. Yet I knew I could not, would not reach out to him, for my honor and his. I forced myself to smile and contented myself with giving him simple words of caution. He of course, as I had expected, did not change his opinion, and why should he. But love is selfish, very selfish; I wanted him all to myself.

But knowing what this feeling was didn't make me any less confused as you would think, it made me more so. As I said before, I had never felt love before this so I had no idea how to protect myself from it, let alone control it. The case of The Sign of Four had ended so I spent all of my time studying all the evidence I had of the emotion. But my research was temporarily halted by the announcement that Watson was planning to marry Miss Mortasan!

I knew it was coming, I had known since they had fallen for each other in the case where they met. My awareness as to what was to come still did not prepare me for the announcement. I was looking through my files for records on love; I had nothing to do with no case, so I returned to my obsession, when Watson, who had been out all day returned with her. I welcomed them in and continued my search as they sat. Watson was the first to speak;

"I wasn't aware you were working on a case."

"I'm not, I have to find something to do in the meantime," I grimaced, but continued "and I decided to review old cases and records of people to sharpen my knowledge." It wasn't a complete lie…

Watson nodded in response "I'm glad you've found something to keep you preoccupied instead of taking up the needle. " He gave that heart melting smile of his, and then continued "It's good that I can leave you with knowledge that you'll be okay."

I almost screamed, he was _leaving_ me, thoughts rushed through my head too fast for me to comprehend them, I was angry, and I knew it was _her_ fault. But I couldn't do anything, I lamely realized; Watson's happiness had become more important to me than my own. I couldn't selfishly keep him away from the girl he loved; anyway, it would be very suspicious. Of course I would congratulate him; I would participate no matter how much I wanted to be in her place (minus the dress of course). I managed an "okay" after quite the pause; I had to get all my emotions under control first.

"Holmes, is something the matter?" Watson asked nervously

"Nothing at all." I faked a smile, thank goodness I was so used to acting; I wanted to tell him to call it off, for me, for us, but I wouldn't, I couldn't.

"As long as you're okay…" He then released a smile so broad that I thought for a moment that it was fake "We're engaged!" he then held out _her_ right hand and showed me the engagement ring.

The announcement nearly knocked me off my feet, it was as I had expected, but previously I still had hope. I gave a slight frown "Congratulations, I fear you didn't heed my advice though…" I managed to smile slightly despite my situation.

"Well of course I didn't, one can't hide form true love."

"Oh well… I suppose you'll be leaving soon…" I asked nervously, deep in sad thought, he was right, one can't hide from true love...

"Well, first there will be the wedding, of course."

I sighed, will this pain ever end, I thought, "I assume you want me to attend…" I tried to decide if I should.

"I was actually wondering if you would be the best man." Watson asked nervously "I know what you think of such things, so I'll understand if you would decline, but it really would mean the world to me."

It obviously doesn't mean enough, I thought, but I chased the thoughts away. I had to do it, Watson was my only friend, and I was his closest. I braced myself and answered "I would be honored, my dear friend."

He smiled "Thank you, I owe you."

I was tempted to say yes you do, but my feelings of for him forbade me again to ruin his moment. He seemed so happy, and it made me feel amazing to see his face light up. They left for further wedding plans and I was left to my thoughts. I would miss him so much, but his happiness was so amazing to behold. My mechanical mind of science had fallen to the unexplainable of feeling. And I had the feeling that this wasn't technically legal in this case.


	3. Don't Care

**Don't Care!**

After Watson had left, I was depressed and lonely. I took as many cases as I could to distract myself from the pain, but worthy crime was scarce, so I spent most of the time in depressed solitude missing my friend. The cases were a relief and a distraction from my problem, but I missed Watson more than anything. Then between 6 and 12 months after Watson left Ms. Hudson came up to tell me that someone had come to see me. I had just received a letter informing me of a mystery that was taking all my attention, so I didn't feel like I had the time to see anyone. At the time Watson came up the room was well lit, and I was pacing deep in thought about the case. I protested against accepting the visitor, but finally I gave up after Ms. Hudson insisted. Then I heard footsteps that sounded very familiar.

I quickly realized that it was Watson and my emotions went into over drive. I was so relieved to see him after so long, but I was so angry at him for leaving me for _her_. I decided to smile and motioned him into a chair; it was nice to have some company after all. But there was a slight fiery angry glint in my eye, he obviously noticed.

"Are you okay?" Watson was shocked at my steely anger.

"Yes I'm fine." I replied my voice softened and I sat down in one of the chairs next to him. Sadly wedlock suited him very well; I was positive he had gained a shade more than 7 and a half pounds. I had the case to deal with and Watson had returned but I still felt so lonely. He had left me for _her_ I was so angry, but I couldn't shout at him; it would be suspicious and, more importantly, I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to scream at him for leaving and I wanted to laugh with relief and happiness at his return, I was so confused. But mainly I felt angry and betrayed; as I saw it, my best friend had just abandoned me. I had never had a friend before and trusted no one, and my best friend/the person I loved, had betrayed me and left me. I guess you never know what you have until it's lost. When I was alone I never felt lonely, I just carried on with business, now that I had befriended Watson, I feel lonely when I'm not with him.

And then there was this jealousy… I was so angry at _her_ for taking him, and I knew it was part of the love, but that didn't help me understand it at all. For, you see, I had never felt love before this, until I met Watson, I had never believed it existed, and I really didn't put much thought to it. Love, in my opinion had been simply an excuse for behavior, and the tool of romantics. It's quite ironic that I, who have such disdain for the emotion am writing a journal all about it, but this is a record of my truths.

The feeling of love, as I have discovered, is also more powerful and uncontrollable than any of the other emotions. I had obtained perfect control of all of my emotions; it was very convenient for staying focused in a case and having a nonbiased opinion. It also is what enabled me to hide my emotions from Watson for such a long time, but as I previously stated, love is more powerful; it was starting to break through my formerly impervious barrier (and when it went, who know what would follow). The jealousy and longing were starting to get out of control; it got harder to keep all of these in. Based on all of this I made the emergency decision to, at the moment Moraiaty allowed me to write a final letter, I wrote revealing my feelings for Watson. Afterwards I left to hide, unable to face what Watson would think of me after reading it, and to protect him from my uncontrollable feelings.


	4. The Letter Watson's POV

**The Letter: Watson's POV**

When I returned to where I had left Holmes in the end of "The Final Problem" I saw a cigar case with two letters in it. The first letter is the one published in my account of the situation, the other I deemed inappropriate to publish due to its sensitive and socially inacceptable nature. I'm including this letter in my true account of the situation (that Holmes requested I include in his account) to include an otherwise missing link in the story. This is how it went:

Dear Mr. John Watson:

First, I beg of you not to think any less of me after you read this letter, and if you can't, then please burn all traces of it and please do all you can to forget about it. I would also request that you not tell anyone of the content of this letter for the sake of my memory and honor. For the thing is, I have loved you, since "A Study in Scarlet", and I have known since "The Sign of Four". I thought it only fair that in the light of my eminent death that you know.

~ Your Friend,

Sherlock Holmes

I read this letter over and over again, unable to believe that I hadn't miss read. I realized with every time I read it that it was what I had been looking for; my relationship with Mary had felt so wrong, like it wasn't supposed to be, and when I was with Holmes everything felt right. I had felt it from early on in our friendship that I loved this man, but I thought his cold, emotionless, machine of a mind would never let any emotions, especially the softer ones, get in the way. I honestly couldn't believe what was written in the letter; Holmes admitting to loving, having the softest emotion, and for me. It was totally out of his nature, to love, and love me of all people. After I read the letter over and over again, I cried, harder than I ever had before, and most likely will (unless Holmes dies honestly before me), I cried for what could have been and for my friend, and all the pain I had caused him. I treasured the letter despite the doubts I had of its authenticity, I never mentioned it of course, to honor Holmes 'last' wishes.

This letter was the trigger to me feeling even more unrest in my situation with Mary, I could not love her, I loved Holmes and he loved me too, I could not replace her for him. I had married her because she was the second best, since I thought and still believed, I could never have Holmes. But now that I thought him dead and knew he felt the same way, it felt like I was dishonoring his memory; remaining with the woman who had most likely hurt him so much by taking me.

I felt so bad for Holmes, who I had probably hurt so much by being with this woman, it caused unrest in our relationship. My moods changed often and I would be pointlessly angry at her (in her view) when my mood became anger. I also missed him even more since I knew what could have been. Between these factors Mary became unable to handle me, and she passed away. I truly found her to be a good friend, and I miss her, but having Holmes back is worth a million times more. If you've read "Holmes Returns" or any of our adventures after that, you know that Holmes came back 3 years later.


	5. To Have A Heart That You Have Stolen

**To Have a Heart, That You Have Stolen: Holmes POV**

I was sitting somewhere I never thought I'd see again; Watson's study, I was in disguise as an old man, but, still, I was there, again. I had decided to return because I was about to wrap this case up, and I didn't want Watson to have to suffer any more sadness. I decided to tell him that I was here, though I was so worried that he'd hate me for what I'd said. I couldn't let him suffer any more and I had to face him, I couldn't hide from what I've done forever.

I then, when Watson turned around to look at his book shelf, I tore off my disguise. Watson stood and stared at me for a few seconds, his blue eyes filled with surprise, then he fainted. I loosened his collar and rushed to get some brandy. I poured the brandy down his throat, but to no avail. Then, a sudden inspiration came over me, I bent down and kissed Watson gently, it felt amazing, this thrill went through my veins, and an even stronger feeling came over me, it was unlike anything that had ever happened to me before. It woke him up, but not before I raised my self slightly, though I was still leaning over him.

He awoke slowly "Holmes… did you just…" Watson traced his lips with his finger, surprised. Then, he punched me straight in the face, and sat up hurriedly. It hurt both physically and emotionally; he hated me, I shouldn't have told him. My eyes began to waver and wet for the first time in I don't remember how long, all I know is that it had been forever, but it was interrupted by a shout from Watson,

"You're a cold unfeeling beast!" he screamed as he stood, I followed, "If you felt, how could you abandon me for those 3 years, no matter what your amazing plan!" He continued shouting with pent up anger, sadness and frustration, all bundled into one. My eyes burned away the tears and turned steely.

"If you want to then leave!" I sneered harshly

"I would I if I had a place to go! It's enough that you 'died' but to have Mary go to, and it all being my fault, and she died for nothing, just a heartless beast!" Watson was still shouting, fortunately, the rest of the house was asleep.

"Now you're worried about Mary, leave to be with her again for all I care!" I was harsh and cold, aided by hurt, I taunted him.

"And I thought you _loved_ me! You have no heart, how could I think a machine had a heart! You just play your games with emotion, your _great_ mind doesn't feel it; so why would anyone else!" Watson yelled with an ironic tone of voice, matching my own, as he leaned into my face, his face hot with anger.

"I understand more than you'll ever know. And being a machine is a great asset." My voice stayed even, cold and calculating. Watson looked like he was about to do something, I expected him to hit me again, or even worse, leave.

"If you're a machine, then how does this make you feel!" He yelled at my face, then, to my surprise, kissed me powerfully on the lips. I was startled, my eyes forgot to look angry, and instead they were a grey surprise. I then leaned into it, letting out all my suppressed emotion out through the kiss, then, we wrapped our arms around the other's waist. I cautiously and gently moved my tongue from my mouth to against Watson's lips, and I timidly opened them. Watson's blue eyes changed from passionate to surprised as they stared into mine, he obviously had no idea I could be so careful and gentle, and honestly, nor did I before then. My tongue caressed the inside of his mouth until it retreated back into my own. After a bit longer we broke apart for need of air, I instantly collapsed into the chair that Watson had been sitting in previously, with my head in my hands, full of shock.

He was surprised, but Watson continued from before "I've never seen a machine blush quite that shade of red." He had been right, my face felt hot, and was most likely more red than it's ever been, or will be.

My voice steadied, as I looked up from my hands into Watson's stunning, blue eyes "I'm sorry, John, we shouldn't have, I shouldn't have; you deserve a calm, nice life. That's why I left, so you could live happily with Mary, not having to worry about me. I just put you in so much danger, I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you." My face returned to being hidden behind my hands.

"But, Sherlock," Watson was obviously surprised by the switch from family, to given names, but he didn't falter "I want you not her." He gently lifted my chin from behind my hands and stared into my eyes with that look that always melted my cold heart.

"Why did you marry her then?" I asked curiously, critically, and honestly, all at the same time, as he sat into the chair that I had been sitting in originally, that he pulled over to being next to me.

"I thought I could never have you, with your disdain for love. I decided not to dwell on it and instead married her. She died because I was so restless with you dead; I thought it was my fault."

"It was never your fault, it was my decision."

"I understand how it hurt you now, though; I will never leave you again." Watson gently kissed my lips; it was short and sweet, sealing a promise, I knew he meant it.

"I will never leave you again either." I mumbled with the red line across my cheeks deepening with every moment.

"So, Sherlock, how did you survive, the fall…" Watson continued, still using my given name, we then went on to have the conversation chronicled in "Holmes Returns" and freed me from the trouble of Moraiaty's final subordinates.


	6. A Home To Return To: Chapter 5 Alternate

**A Home to Return To**

I was sitting somewhere I never thought I'd see again; Watson's study, I was in disguise as an old man, but, still, I was there, again. I had decided to return because I was about to wrap this case up, and I didn't want Watson to have to suffer any more of the sadness I had seen come over him while I was "gone". I decided to tell him that I was here, though I was so worried that he'd hate me for what I'd written in the letter. I had to face him; I couldn't hide from what I've done forever, no matter how much I would've like to.

I then, when Watson turned around to look at his book shelf, tore off my disguise. Time for the moment of truth… Watson stood and stared at me for a few seconds, his beautiful blue eyes filled with surprise. Then he fainted. I loosened his collar and rushed to get some brandy. I poured the brandy down his throat, but to no avail. I was worried, would he be okay? I needed him to wake up; I downed some of the brandy and bent down. Then I kissed Watson gently, my lips brushed against his and it felt amazing, this thrill went through my veins, and an even stronger feeling came over me, it was unlike anything that had ever happened to me before, for once something felt undoubtedly right. It woke him up, but not before I raised my self slightly, though I was still leaning over him, my eyes filled with fear at what his reaction could be.

"Holmes did you just…" he trailed off, slowly raised himself into a sitting position against the chair and traced his lips with his finger.

"I-I'm sorry." I stammered, hurriedly standing "P-please forget it, don't let my foolishness ruin our friendship, forget it like the letter." My words were hurried, falling all over each other; I didn't want to say what I was saying, I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry and laugh with joy and sorrow, I wanted to claim him, ask him if he would take me, but I did none of those. I instead turned away from Watson since I could not bear to look him in the eyes and continued "I'm sorry, my friend, I hope you don't hate me for what I did." I then walked slowly towards the door, wishing for the shout for me to wait that I believed would never come. Just as I reached out my hand and touched the doorknob I felt a gentle and tentative but strong hand on my shoulder. I spun around quickly, surprised by him holding me back, he then wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, pressing his body against mine.

We stood there for several precious minutes, my eyes widened in surprise at Watson's gesture as he leaned fully into me. He then looked up at me from the embrace, staring into my eyes with his blue ones. He spoke in a quiet and comforting voice "Sherlock, I love you; I've loved you ever since we met. I wouldn't be able to bare it if you left again."

I was stunned, not only did he not hate me for what I felt, but he felt the same way, it was more than I had ever dreamed. "John, did I hear you correctly? Did you just…" I asked, giving him a chance to turn around, to not be isolated and in constant fear, though it hurt me greatly to say it.

He understood "I love you Sherlock." He replied simply and honestly, tightening his arms around my waist.

I let out a breath of relief and looked at him, putting all of his trust in me, putting his life on the line, for us… I sighed, maybe I didn't have to be alone all the time, maybe I could be selfish for once, and put my happiness first. With that thought in mind I embraced him pressing his warm body against my undoubtedly cold one. I felt his heart beat against mine, in time with mine, each breath of his soothing my nervousness. I was happy, truly happy, for well, once… all the fear went away though now it was even more dangerous, for both of us, but I knew we would be okay. I smiled, wider than I ever before.


	7. Going Against The Thing I Work To Uphold

**Going Against the Very Thing I Work So Hard to Uphold**

Ugg… early, I struggled out of bed, the previous night had been a late one, and I wouldn't have even slept had Watson not forced me to, despite the case. He had sat in the room until I fell asleep, and he could tell when I was faking it. If I hadn't slept I would have gotten farther on the case, and I wouldn't be having trouble waking up right now, but Watson would be worried, and I had become soft; I didn't want him upset. I struggled out of bed and walked to the table, where Ms. Hudson had already put out breakfast. I began eating, and Watson came out as usual. He walked over, we kissed, and then he sat down to eat. I blushed; did I have to love it when he did that so much? He smiled at my obvious embarrassment; he couldn't embarrass me often.

We ate in silence, Watson eyeing me nervously ever so often. I finished eating, and then gave into curiosity, not wanting to keep him worrying about whatever worried him this time.

"John, I know you're worried about something, what is it?"

"You know I'm worried about the case, and about you sleeping enough, how did you sleep, and be honest Sherlock."

I sighed, he could be so protective sometimes, but I wouldn't give it up for my life "I slept fine, after you forced me to, the case won't be a problem."

Watson walked over and sat down at our favorite chair at the fireplace, inviting me to come. I finished eating, and then sat in another chair; I needed to work on the case, and I would rather not be tempted.

Watson sighed "Sherlock, what's the matter?" He then stood and wrapped his arms around my neck.

I frowned, that was exactly what I had wanted, though exactly what would get in the way of my focus "Watson, I'm trying to work on the case, it's very important."

Watson frowned, he obviously wasn't happy about the change to family names, but I needed to work. "I'm sorry, Holmes, I guess I just got carried away. I know how important your work is to you."

I felt bad, I really did want to sit with him… just for a little while, I guess I could, just for a little while, I mumbled something to Watson that I don't remember, I do remember that I was blushing brightly. Watson gently sat down next to me on the chair I was sitting in; obviously I had gotten the message across. He ran his hands through my hair, in that comforting way of his. I leaned gently on his shoulder and curled my tall body into his chest.

"The case isn't going so well is it Sherlock?" Watson knew me well; I only went for the romantics when either I was board on the verge of taking to the syringe or a case wasn't going too well.

I shook my head in response; I was at a loss for ideas, and at a loss for clues. I leaned even harder into Watson, his breath and heartbeat was quite comforting. Then I heard a knock at the door. I leapt into the other chair and Watson sat up. "Come in." I shouted in my most board voice. Lestrange entered with some information about the case, but what I'll never forget is how close we both were to getting found out.

Despite how much I loved him, living with Watson as a couple took some getting used to for me. I wasn't used to the hugging and kissing when leaving and returning, the sharing a chair in front of the fire place, and the general young couple behavior. But the thing that was oddest to me was the constant fear of the law; we, the defenders of the law, would be hanged if we were found out. I had never been in a relationship with anyone, and I had never fought the law before. And the two combined… it was quite the unusual situation I found myself in, though, honestly, I was the happiest I had been in my life.

The romantics felt so nice, it was amazing to feel loved, and it was exactly what I had been hoping for when we hadn't been together. But there was a bad side to this too, it made me feel so pathetic, to yearn for him. The kisses and leaning, I needed them. And he was my weakness, I would do anything for him, I would give up my life for his, though I knew that he would have to die first, he could never live with me dyeing again. I also hated seeing him unhappy, that smile of his was so nice, and kind, unlike me, I would do anything to make him smile.

Then there was the law breaking. I believed I would make an excellent criminal, but this was not what I had in mind when I had said it. It was odd to know that the same queen, who we had helped on many occasions, with cases of varying difficulty and importance, would have us hung if our secret had even the slightest bit of proof. The very detectives who we assisted with the most basic of cases would be the end of us if they had even the slightest lead. My influence might be able to save us from being inspected too closely, but if we were found out our only option would be to flee. It hurt me insanely to put Watson in danger, but it was too late for us now, neither of us wanted to stop being together, and we couldn't keep our feelings hidden anymore from the other.


End file.
